$(document).ready(function(){function random_text(){};var random_text=new random_text();var number=0;random_text[number++]="There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.<br />~Ben Williams";random_text[number++]="The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.<br />~Samuel Butler, Notebooks, 1912";random_text[number++]="From the dog's point of view, his master is an elongated and abnormally cunning dog.<br />~Mabel Louise Robinson";random_text[number++]="Dogs are miracles with paws.<br />~Attributed to Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy";random_text[number++]="Man is a dog's idea of what God should be.<br />~Holbrook Jackson";random_text[number++]="The dog is the only animal that has seen his god.<br />~Author Unknown";random_text[number++]="Dogs' lives are too short.  Their only fault, really.<br />~Agnes Sligh Turnbull";random_text[number++]="My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet.<br />~Edith Wharton";random_text[number++]="We long for an affection altogether ignorant of our faults.  Heaven has accorded this to us in the uncritical canine attachment.<br />~George Eliot";random_text[number++]="I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love.  For me they are the role model for being alive.<br />~Gilda Radner";random_text[number++]="Our dogs will love and admire the meanest of us, and feed our colossal vanity with their uncritical homage.<br />~Agnes Repplier";random_text[number++]="One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you're feeling blue is that he doesn't try to find out why.<br />~Author Unknown";random_text[number++]="Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.<br />~Franklin P. Jones";random_text[number++]="When a dog barks at the moon, then it is religion; but when he barks at strangers, it is patriotism!<br />~David Starr Jordan";random_text[number++]="Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.<br />~Corey Ford";random_text[number++]="If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.<br />~Phil Pastoret";random_text[number++]="With the exception of women, there is nothing on earth so agreeable or necessary to the comfort of man as the dog.<br />~Edward Jesse, Anecdote of Dogs";random_text[number++]="The dog is a yes-animal, very popular with people who can't afford to keep a yes-man.<br />~Robertson Davies";random_text[number++]="Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.<br />~Max Eastman, Enjoyment of Laughter";random_text[number++]="My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.<br />~Author Unknown";random_text[number++]="If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.<br />~Andy Rooney";random_text[number++]="A dog is not 'almost human' and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such.<br />~John Holmes";random_text[number++]="If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.<br />~Will Rogers";random_text[number++]="An old dog, even more than an old spouse, always feels like doing what you feel like doing.<br />~Robert Brault";random_text[number++]="The more I see of man, the more I like dogs.<br />~Mme. de Staël";random_text[number++]="Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?  But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.<br />~Steve Bluestone";random_text[number++]="To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.<br />~Aldous Huxley";random_text[number++]="They never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.<br />~Jerome K. Jerome";random_text[number++]="Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?  I think that is how dogs spend their lives.<br />~Sue Murphy";random_text[number++]="Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.<br />~Roger Caras";random_text[number++]="The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's.<br />~Mark Twain, letter to W.D. Howells, 2 April 1899";random_text[number++]="The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.<br />~Ambrose Bierce";random_text[number++]="A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.<br />~O.A. Battista";random_text[number++]="In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semi human.  The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.<br />~Edward Hoagland";random_text[number++]="If dogs could talk, perhaps we would find it as hard to get along with them as we do with people.<br />~Karel Čapek";random_text[number++]="An old dog, even more than an old spouse, always feels like doing what you feel like doing.<br />~Robert Brault";random_text[number++]="The dog was created specially for children.  He is the god of frolic.<br />~Henry Ward Beecher";random_text[number++]="The greatest love is a mother's; then a dog's; then a sweetheart's.<br />~Polish Proverb";random_text[number++]="A man may smile and bid you hail, Yet wish you to the devil; But when a good dog wags his tail, You know he's on the level. ~Author Unknown";random_text[number++]="No philosophers so thoroughly comprehend us as dogs and horses.<br />~Herman Melville, Redburn. His First Voyage, 1849";random_text[number++]="Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.<br />~Franklin P. Jones";random_text[number++]="Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound.  Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat.<br />~Oxford Union Society, London, Rule 46";random_text[number++]="A cat, after being scolded, goes about its business.  A dog slinks off into a corner and pretends to be doing a serious self-reappraisal.<br />~Robert Brault";random_text[number++]="Happiness is a warm puppy.<br />~Charles M. Schulz";random_text[number++]="No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.<br />~Christopher Morley";random_text[number++]="If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater... suggest that he wear a tail.<br />~Fran Lebowitz";random_text[number++]="Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.<br />~Dave Barry";random_text[number++]="A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.<br />~Ogden Nash";random_text[number++]="Amount of time it takes for a dog to 'do its business' is directly proportional to outside temperature + suitability of owner's outerwear.<br />~Betsy Ca&ntilde;as Garmon";random_text[number++]="The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.<br />~Author Unknown";random_text[number++]="Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot little puppies.<br />~Gene Hill";random_text[number++]="I loathe people who keep dogs.  They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.<br />~Author Unknown";random_text[number++]="Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash?<br />~Robert Brault";random_text[number++]="The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.<br />~Andy Rooney";random_text[number++]="My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can.  That's almost $7.00 in dog money.<br />~Joe Weinstein";random_text[number++]="I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.<br />~G.K. Chesterton";random_text[number++]="If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise.<br />~Author Unknown";random_text[number++]="The dog wags his tail, not for you, but for your bread.<br />~Portuguese Proverb";random_text[number++]="A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.<br />~Robert Benchley";random_text[number++]="The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother - and they'll settle for a puppy every time.<br />~Winston Pendelton";random_text[number++]="I am not your dog, but if every time you saw me, you gave me a backrub, I would run to greet you, too.<br />~Robert Brault";random_text[number++]="Life is like a dog sled team.  If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.<br />~Lewis Grizzard";random_text[number++]="You ask of my companions.  Hills, sir, and the sundown, and a dog as large as myself that my father bought me.  They are better than human beings, because they know but do not tell.<br />~Emily Dickinson";random_text[number++]="There is no faith which has never yet been broken, except that of a truly faithful dog.<br />~Konrad Lorenz";random_text[number++]="If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.<br />~Woodrow Wilson";random_text[number++]="Dogs, the foremost snobs in creation, are quick to notice the difference between a well-clad and a disreputable stranger.<br />~Albert Payson Terhune";random_text[number++]="You think dogs will not be in heaven?  I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.<br />~Robert Louis Stevenson";random_text[number++]="To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring - it was peace.<br />~Milan Kundera";random_text[number++]="When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.<br />~Edward Abbey";random_text[number++]="A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.<br />~Josh Billings";random_text[number++]="I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.<br />~Penny Ward Moser";random_text[number++]="A dog can express more with his tail in seconds than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.<br />~Author Unknown";random_text[number++]="Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash?<br />~Robert Brault";random_text[number++]="I love a dog.  He does nothing for political reasons.<br />~Will Rogers";random_text[number++]="Children are for people who can't have dogs.<br />~Author Unknown";random_text[number++]="I named my dog Stay so I can say, 'Come here, Stay.  Come here, Stay.'<br />~Steven Wright";random_text[number++]="When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes.  The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.<br />~Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance";random_text[number++]="If you can look at a dog and not feel vicarious excitement and affection, you must be a cat.<br />~Author Unknown";random_text[number++]="The more one gets to know of men, the more one values dogs.<br />~Alphonse Toussenel";random_text[number++]="When a dog wants to hang out the 'Do Not Disturb' sign, as all of us do now and then, he is regarded as a traitor to his species.<br />~Ramona C. Albert";random_text[number++]="Both humans and dogs love to play well into adulthood, and individuals from both species occasionally display evidence of having a conscience.<br />~Jon Winokur";random_text[number++]="The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.<br />~Margo Kaufman";random_text[number++]="Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.<br />~Robert Benchley";random_text[number++]="I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.<br />~Rita Rudner";random_text[number++]="Fox-terriers are born with about four times as much original sin in them as other dogs.<br />~Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men in a Boat";random_text[number++]="Labradors [are] lousy watchdogs.  They usually bark when there is a stranger about, but it is an expression of unmitigated joy at the chance to meet somebody new, not a warning.<br />~Norman Strung";random_text[number++]="Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.<br />~Josh Billings";random_text[number++]="Bulldogs are adorable, with faces like toads that have been sat on.<br />~Colette";random_text[number++]="The nose of the bulldog has been slanted backwards so that he can breathe without letting go.<br />~Winston Churchill";random_text[number++]="I like a bit of mongrel myself, whether it's a man or a dog; they're the best for everyday.<br />~George Bernard Shaw";var random_number=Math.floor(Math.random()*number);$('#quote').html(random_text[random_number]);});